Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority...

Tweet

...it's time to pause and reflect.

Ah, Mark Twain....one of my favorite notable quotables. I could go into a long list of awesome things he's said, but you can do that yourself on Google. There, I've made that even easier for you.

This is one of the quotes, I always smile at, but quickly worry about. I've always been an outsider and it's gotten to the point where I am comfortable being one. It's something I've always taken pride in. However, lately, I find myself with the opposite problem: I can't seem to feel comfortable in ANY group.


It has become second nature to me to always look at the opposite side of any given argument because after being shoveled bullshit for most of my life, that is how I find the truth. I often end up choosing the opposite side of what's popular, not because I get a kick out of being contrary, but because I do genuinely believe what is opposite of popular most of the time. I do sometimes play devil's advocate, or act contrary on purpose just to get people thinking or talking, but I am usually very candid about it. I'll preface with, "Just to play devil's advocate," or, "Just for fun, think of it this way," or, "What would you say to people who say the opposite?"


In other words, I'm rarely ever just trying to get someone's goat. I think only really stupid, immature people do that.....that is to say, there are lots of stupid immature people out there. If you don't believe me, go  on reddit some time.


...or Facebook.
...or twitter.
...or youtube.
...or anywhere else on the web where people can interact semi-anonymously.


Still, although I do argue candidly "for fun" at times, I find myself uncomfortable when I actually agree with a decent amount of people. This makes it difficult to maintain friendships, to continue social groups, to even start new social interactions, to vote, to make decisions, to commit to anything. It seems like whenever I just start to feel like, "Hey, these people are on the same page as me," I have to find some flaw in it.

When I was in Catholic school, I couldn't go along with Catholicism. When I was in high school, surrounded by Baptists who insisted Catholics were pagans, I found myself going along with Catholicism. When all the Baptist bullies finally left me alone about being Catholic, I decided that being pagan was what I "really" believed (I'm sure at the time I believed it, but whatever any teenager believes, even if it is deep within their core at the time, they're still teenagers and can only be taken so seriously). Then, when I got to college and met other pagans, I though, "Well, this is pretty gay," and went around as a general agnostic, one that didn't know there were groups for agnostics and atheists out there. Then, once I met a bunch of agnostics, I felt like they were just wankers who pretended to be intellectually superior but were actually just refusing to pick a side as an insurance policy (I still feel that way, btw). I am now pretty well committed to being an atheist...if one can commit to being nothing.


I've been reasonably active within the atheist community. I attend a monthly atheist meeting and organize a monthly atheist social. I've attended a few major atheist events including lectures, gatherings, convention tracks, and Reason Rally. I've met some really kind, intelligent, loving people with diverse interests that seem to accept me. 


...and there it goes again. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. I'm starting to find the flaws. The main flaw I seem to keep noticing is that atheists are kind of a bunch of socially awkward cockmasters. They think they're superior to everyone, they think they're better educated than everyone, they think if they whip out terms they heard in debate class this one time, that they're smarter than everyone, they think they get to determine when a discussion or thought process is over, they think that everyone who isn't like them is a retard, worse, they use science in the same obnoxious way religious people use religion: as an excuse to be cunts.

"Herp, me man, you woman, science say me number one, me sleep with 500 women, but you no sleep with other men, you be mom, you like be mom, you do laundry now. Derp."


These things wouldn't be so bad if not for the socially awkward part. It would be one thing to disagree, but all terms of civility have been wiped out of discussion it seems. It's like people don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I don't believe this is a specifically atheist problem, but it seems to be magnified within the atheist community. I also don't want to give extra credit where it is undue. This could be a vocal minority of dingleberries. Most of the atheists I meet in person are nice to me (except for one particular local group that SEVERAL people I know quit because it was full of cockmasters).


There's probably some serious psychological shit going on with me, because it really is MY problem and not everybody else's, and yet I know it's not just me. I am not the only one to feel this way, to write about it, or to publicly discuss it. It's actually been quite the buzz within the atheist community over the past couple years, most notably with the statement, "Don't be a dick."

Sadly, the idea doesn't seem to stick....oh look, I'm a poet and I don't.......wanna be. 

I understand theists and general hippies that believe anything as long as it doesn't involve science-but-it-worked-for-these-three-guys-this-one-time-and-there-are-tons-of-books-about-it can be very annoying people. It's particularly annoying when they take these ignorant ideas to places like Congress or doctors' offices....but then there's everybody else. A very small percentage of Americans are medical professionals or lawmakers. Hell, a very small percentage of Americans are even voters. The number of religious/woowoo people and general retards directly affecting your personal life and freedom is quite small (not that the small amount of them shouldn't be smacked into shape immediately and constantly). On a personal level, mono e mono, there is no reason to treat people like they are less than you.

We all came to "reason" different ways. Some of us were raised in extremely religious households. Some of us thought we were psychic. Some of us had parents that raised us with reason. Some of us still cling to our religious lives even though we know it's an act. We're all at different places and it really hurts my heart to see people being so hateful to each other about it, particularly toward people that are on the same team! I get more hate mail from other atheists than from theists...and I've publicly said bad things about Islam.

People that aren't on your team still deserve respect and kindness. Just because some people are devoutly religious doesn't mean they will stay that way forever. Even if some people do, that doesn't mean they're uneducated assholes that are out to get you, to force you to believe what they believe, to force you to spend money on their beliefs, to change your textbooks, to come into your house and examine what positions you're having sex in, and to throw your condoms and birth control pills in the microwave while they're at it. 

So many atheists are fans of calling themselves "humanists," but seem to pick and choose who they treat as human. It's shameful, offensive, and not helpful to anybody!

Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm really wrong that people know how to treat each other well. Maybe I'm trying to shoehorn humanity into the image of goodness. Maybe people really are just a fat load of stupid pricks that are only out to serve themselves. Maybe that's why, every time I think I've found a group of folks that isn't, I am quickly disenchanted. Maybe it's time to pause and reflect.    

Image stolen from patheos.com, who stole it from icanhascheezburger.com, who likely definitely stole it from somebody else.

Pin It

Almost inspired to pray

Tweet

I was ALMOST inspired to pray today. As I've mentioned before, I am a HUGE animal lover. I volunteer for the local Humane Society, I always advocate rescue when I can, I do my best to inform people I know about things like puppy mills and poor pet nutrition and I spend an inordinate time looking at, "Awwww," pictures on the web.

I was on my way home from a late night out with friends. I exited the interstate and turned on to my street. It's one of the busiest streets in my county, even late at night, but it's not very well lit. hen I saw a medium sized, black and tan dog standing LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE of the road with traffic whizzing all around him, my heart nearly stopped. All I could do was honk my horn, flash  my brights hope with all my heart and mind that he would get out of the road. I could do little more than keep my fingers crossed that the vision of the driver in the lane next to mine worked well in the dark.

The dog had no collar and presumably no tag. I feel guilty for not picking him up, but there seemed to be no way for me to do so. Plus, I have no food for a dog and no way to take care of it until I am able to find the owner. Without tags, I'd inevitably have to take it to Animal Control, where he'd likely get put to sleep anyway. Apparently, Georgia law prohibits taking found animals to rescue groups without contacting Animal Control first. I didn't know what to do. I continue to hope of all hopes that other drivers are as observant and gracious as I am. I know most of them aren't and fear for this poor little creature is still haunting me.

I think any atheist that was brought up with any kind of religion has moments like these. Moments where hope isn't enough, moments of vulnerability that inspire a romantic memory of belief in prayer. Personally, I experience them often, even with things that might seem frivolous to the next person, such as hoping there will be no dog blood in the street. I do find myself missing that idea of, "God will take care of it," and, "If I pray really hard, the situation will come out for the best."

Unfortunately, even in those moments of vulnerability, when I wish I could believe, reality sets in. Supposing I did believe in God and his will and his plan, how would I know that the dog getting killed wouldn't just be "for the best?" Even those that "know" the power of prayer are doomed to admit that shit is going to happen. The only solace they have is that it's "for a reason.," which, admittedly, is a nicer thought than, "Because the universe is a cunt sometimes." 

For this, even while rolling my eyes, feeling my skin crawl ever so slightly, and wishing they had something more intelligent and insightful to say, and even knowing they probably won't even really do it, I can't be too harsh on anyone that tells me they're praying for me.

Image stolen from icanhascheezburger.com who probably stole it from someone else.

Pin It

Why atheists will never unite

Tweet

In a sentence, we're too busy getting high off sniffing our own farts. Atheists think we have a monopoly on intellect. We think that we are superior to folks who can't or won't or haven't yet let go of irrational thoughts. We think that anyone who isn't like us is obviously just a moron and not worthy of respect, and may be worthy of hatred and ridicule. We think people's experiences and perspectives are only worth something if they concur with something that happened in a laboratory.

What a bunch of pricks we are.

Of course, we soothe ourselves to sleep as we swallow a philosophical placebo of "freedom." We tell ourselves, only people that agree with us can be truly free because people who have faith in irrational things are slaves. Since slavery is abominable, we fancy ourselves as freedom fighters, crusaders for rational thought and intellect. We tell ourselves that the end justifies the means, so even if we acted like pricks high on our own farts, it's all for the greater good of the world. In this way, we absolve ourselves of our sins yet we don't realize that we've enslaved ourselves in that mindset.

The mindset of, "I am right, you are wrong and I get to judge and mock you for it. We will never be friends and I will never respect you because you're obviously too stupid to be worthy of my friendship and respect," might as well be concrete walls and metal bars. We're removing ourselves from the majority of society, forming our own little gangs, and making shivs out of scraps of what we think is wisdom.

Then, just like herpes, our overinflated sense of superiority spread to other areas. What started with non-faith has migrated to politics. Because we're used to thinking alike when it comes to non-faith, we're shocked to learn that not every atheist thinks alike. Not every atheist supports the same cause. Not every atheist is a liberal. Not every atheist supports abortion. Not every atheist supports healthcare. Not every atheist is against circumcision. 

It angers and confuses us, so we fight each other, because we've all convinced ourselves we're right and infallible, and anyone who dares question that is worthy of a hearty stabbing or two. So, the liberal atheist gang attacks the libertarian atheist gang. The libertarian atheist gang attacks the communist atheist gang. The communist atheist gang attacks the socialist atheist gang. Meanwhile, the one, lone republican atheist cowers in the back corner of his cell, fearing he will be outed as a right winger and that all of the gangs will unite and slaughter him unmercifully....and he's probably right.

Yet, somehow, even with all this internal conflict, we seem to think we can go to battle as a small herd of wounded cats and claim victory over 80% of the global population. Then we wonder why we make no headway and why religious folks think we're all angry, crazy, hateful, and dangerous, but not so dangerous that we have too much of an effect on things. Sure, one or two of us might bitch about a prayer banner hanging in a public school or make a controversial billboard, but, eh....who cares? We're all going to rot in hell anyway.

While Christians hypnotize themselves into believing think they have a monopoly on compassion, forgiveness, and cute little quote books, atheists should be perfectly capable of espousing those ideas. Yet, so often we don't. We quote their book and say, "Judge not, lest ye be judged," to them, just highlight their hypocrisy, but then we quickly turn around and abandon the principle when it comes to ourselves. Worse, we do it to each other.

There aren't a lot of us in the world, at least not that are "out of the closet," yet, we don't stick together. As much as we want to stroke ourselves saying it's okay to be different, we afford the right to be different only to ourselves, which breaks us up into smaller and smaller gangs and causes more and more dispersion. We scattered ourselves about the earth, and because of our self-proclaimed "enlightenment," there we shall remain, with closed minds and closed hearts.

But, hey, look on the bright side. At least we know we're always right.






Image courtesy of http://catmacros.files.wordpress.com/, who likely stole it from someone else, who likely stole it from someone else as well. Pin It

Lent: Mindless Fridays

Tweet

My parents had me over for dinner last night...well, actually, I invited myself, but they were happy to have me. Mom made a roast chicken and was telling my dad to take it for lunch the next few days, then stopped herself and said, "BUT don't forget, NO MEAT on Wednesday because it's Ash Wednesday." I have a long standing tradition of giving my family the business about Ash Wednesday and meatless Fridays during Lent, a tradition that I imposed long before I became atheist.

First, came the objection to fish. I didn't understand how fish was not meat. Somehow, with no degree in biology, food science, or bioethics, the pope is able to distinguish these highly debatable concepts to a level of certainty that Catholics trust. Fish isn't meat because the pope says so.

Then came (and still often comes), the idea that, okay, the pope says fish isn't meat, but you still don't have to eat fish. I've always liked fish and didn't have a problem with that as a child, but I did have a problem with my folks constantly whining, "Oh, it's so hard to drop by Captain D's during Lent. Oh, fish is so expensive this time of year. Oh, I'm so tired of fish.....oh, blabla, similar whining, whiney whine waaaaah."

As someone who's gone mostly vegetarian, I have lots of advice to give a couple of folks that think meat at every meal is not only preferable, but a human necessity. I love being told my health philosophy is wrong by two obese people with arthritis, body aches, and type II diabetes, by the way. I told them to stop agonizing over fish. They could try omelets, quiches, stir fry, noodles, veggie stews, veggie soups, falafel. Hell, I even told them to order pizza with no meat toppings and THAT wasn't good enough either!

One Friday a few years ago, I distinctly remember practically forcing my mom to make eggplant parmigiana (I would have gladly made it for them, but my mom is a control freak about the kitchen at times). She was all distraught about what to make because it was a year my dad was out of work and the family couldn't afford fish. I, again, presented the argument that you don't have meat at every meal anyway, and that you don't have to have fish. I told her how cheap eggplant was, printed a recipe, and put it in front of her.

"Oh...it's really easy! I thought it would be difficult."

Everyone raved about how delicious it was. How many subsequent times has she made it? Zero.

No, apparently, they'd much rather complain than solve their problems simply. Such is the life of a Catholic. They seem to take some sort of petty pleasure in knowing they've suffered. On a side note, never get two suffering Catholics in a room together. It will become some kind of weird, masochistic pissing contest to determine who is suffering more.

As if fighting the American institutionalized OMG MEAT mindset weren't difficult enough, always the question of religious tradition came and was, in their minds, defeated by being ignored. For young parents out there that know they have a reasonably intelligent kid, don't subject them to ridiculous rituals and expect not to have to answer a few questions. Alas, my parents never did and to this day never do address it.

My mother is main culprit. My dad kind of rolls his eyes and says, "I dunno," which in this case the pacifistic marital euphemism for, "I don't actually give a shit, but your mom does all the shopping and all the cooking, so she decides." Once in a while, he'll do what any decent husband should do and stand up for her, even when he knows she's being ridiculous, and say, "It makes your mom feel better, so let her do it."

How doing something that totally inconveniences one's life makes one feel better is beyond me. Again, I claim it's that Catholic affinity for suffering. Just ask Mother Theresa. Still maintaining the silliness of it all, in adulthood, my questioning has gotten to be bolder, "Mom, why do you do this? You don't go to church, you don't say the rosary, you don't even know what's in the Bible -coughandmeatlessfridaysaren'tintherecough-, you don't even like doing this because you always complain you can't get fish, but you refuse to eat vegetarian, and you know exactly how silly it is because in your life time, eating meat on any Friday went from being a mortal sin to being a venial sin, and even at that, now it's only a few weeks a year. Why do you bother?"

Every time we get on the topic, her body and mouth visibly tense up, as if the strain of thinking about these things is too much, and the answer is, "Because!"

Shortly after, we get to the argument that any child above age three has had with at least one parent, "Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?

"Because."

Somehow, in the mom mindset, saying, "Because," with determination means you win.

WORSE! She informed me last night, "Well, technically, I don't have to do it because of my age."

"When did that happen?" I asked. I honestly never knew there was an age limit.

"You only have to do it ages 14 to 59," she said. She likely never told us this because as children, my sister and I would have objected and she certainly wasn't going to provide separate meals for us.

"Since when?"

"Since always," she said.

Then I remarked how it added yet one more layer of ridicule to the whole practice, but of course it got me nowhere but the Daytona 500 of why/because.

In my unmentioned number of years on this planet (I don't like to share my age, but let's say I'm at least old enough to have been drunk a lot) I have yet to get an answer beyond that. Sometimes, perhaps when she doubts it herself, she'll actually say something to the tune of, "It's the last straw. If I don't at least cling to this, then it means I have no connection with the Church."

...which is exactly my point. Of all the finer points of Catholicism, THIS is the one that proves you still have faith? How obscene. Speaking of obscenity, why should a meddling, young woman stop her mother from doing something that gives her mother "great comfort?"

I have seen the direct harm clinging to faith has done to her and the rest of the family. Though she doesn't do it the traditional, Catholic way with beads and and pre-written monologues, she claims to pray. She knows there is no power in prayer. She's been praying for a good decade and a half for my parents' economic situation to improve. It never has. Yet, she keeps holding out, keeps clinging, thinking there may yet be a silver lining on this 15 year storm cloud, thinking that God is watching and waiting for the precise moment when it's perfect to help them. Meanwhile, my heart breaks as I watch them both deteriorate, getting closer to returning to the earth's crust from whence they came, never stopping to embracing these autumn years as they should, but rather victimizing themselves while helplessly hoping to be rescued.

She has seen the direct harm it has done to the family. In fact, when I was a child and questioned when her parents visited (they lived in Michigan, we lived in Georgia), why her father never went to church. She avoided the question for years, using the why/because defense as usual. Eventually, when he was close to death and I was still worried for his soul, she told me her father didn't go to church anymore was because one of the many times he had cancer and he and my grandmother struggled to survive physically and financially, the Church told them to just keep supporting the Church financially, and all would be as it should be. He got angry and never returned. How that message never penetrated the females of the family is beyond me. I know that even as a fairly young child, it shook my reality a bit.

So, despite all knowledge to the contrary, they cling to this suicidal hope that someone is going to rescue them. I watch them starve themselves emotionally. If there were anything in the world I thought I could do to change the situation, I would, but they're set in their ways strictly as a matter of principle. They'd rather die than admit they're wrong, and sadly, I know they will. Pin It